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 This was somewhat unintentional.

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PostSubject: This was somewhat unintentional.   Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:30 pm

I was having a pretty deep conversation with one of my friends, and I happened to write this, as a response so something she had said.
I ended up loving it more than I should have. For so many reasons..
Anyways. Maybe it will mean something to you, and you can take something away from it, and make it your own.

I apologize for any dry spots or errors..I typed this up in 10 minutes. It was an on-the-spot thing.


The day of my arrival, I was skeptical about the whole thing. It was an unfamiliar setting, and I was entirely out of my comfort zone. I welcomed myself to the world of Chorus Camp.
In our first chorus rehearsal, two girls were talking to the guy next to me about hanging out at some of the shops the next day. They saw me listening in, and invited me to go along. I accepted, in need of some friends.
Both of the girls developed a crush on me, but only one acted on it. Taylor. She proposes that we act as "camp bf/gf" for the week, for fun. I thought the idea was amusing, I said so, and went along with the idea.
This continues from Monday to Wednesday. As time passes, I question the amount of seriousness in this "game." Rightly so. She begins to grab my hand as we walk to classes, and slowly draw me into things I wanted no part of. In addition to this, I wore a ring, which she took and began wearing herself.
On Wednesday night, there was a movie in the auditorium. They were simply feeding people into rows, and Taylor and I were split up. We came into the building with our chorus class, however, and I ended up between my friend Max and a girl that I recognized, but hardly knew. Courtney.
Me and Courtney talked through, well, the wholemovie. At the end of the movie, as the credits began rolling, she grabbed my phone and entered her number, grinning in an irresistable way. Max called it before the movie was half over, and said that Taylor would be pissed..
He was right. I convinced her that she needed to chill, and I restated my belief that our whole deal was just a game. On top of that, I told her I had no interest in Courtney. I tried to push her out of my mind.
The next day, my usual group of friends went to eat Chinese during free time. I chose to stay at the dorms, and maybe go practice some piano, since I was trying to break away from Taylor, because she wasn't a pleasant person even to hang out with, as I had discovered.
Courtney had given me her number the night before. So I texted her, just for friendly conversatoni. After some amount of discussion, we decided to meet to go play piano in the practice rooms. As I walk to the meeting place, the group returns. Most of them continued on to the practice rooms, but two of them stayed behind. A girl named Sienna, and a guy named Thomas. At that moment, Courtney arrived. Sienna looked from her face to mine, and sighed.
"Shit. Hell is about to rain down."
I met up with Courtney, and took her into one of the practice rooms, and we began to play some piano. Before I knew what had happened, Taylor stormed into the room, slammed my ring down on the piano, and stomps out.
"I expected hell to be louder," I said quietly. I turned to look at Courtney's face, and a feeling of dread crept over me. Max and Thomas walked into the room, and Thomas took Courtney out into the hall. I remained behind with Max.
"It's not your fault, but you know Taylor is going to give you hell. Both of you. She's the kind of person who will stop at nothing, at this point, to make your lives miserable."
I put my head in my hands, breathing slowly. "I know. And Courtney had no part in this...God, what have I done?"
The next few hours were a blur. I remember apologizing profusely. I remember Courtney telling me that she wasn't upset with me. I told her that I would understand if she never wanted to speak to me again, and I left her at her dorm. I remember going to dinner, feeling sick.
After our next chorus practice, there was a dance. Everyone on campus was required to go. I went with Courtney. I don't even know why she would have gone with me. As I walked into rehearsal, I made eyes with her, and she smiled at me. In that moment, everything seemed to be alright..
I showed the extent of my lameness on what I guess could be called "the dance floor", and eventually surrenedered to my white-ness and went outside into the hall. She offered to come with me, and refused to accept a "Nah, you can stay!"
Again, a blur. All I can remember that night is being oh so so so out of my league.
The next day, I went to breakfast with her. There was constant drama between Taylor and I, but I ignored it, because I found myself innocent. Everyone else in the group was on my side, as well.
I spent every second that I could with Courtney. I was, honestly, in awe. It was something I had never quite experienced before. I don't know what was different.
Just before the final concert, after which we would all leave, her and I visited the practice rooms one more time.
We played. We sang. We cried, because we had to leave.
We kissed.
And, for once in my life, I wasn't ready. How could someone I'd only known for a week be having such an impact on me?
I don't even know.
But with her, I was tongue-tied. My usually skill in social situations completely collapsed, and I was left with nothing but what I could get past the confusion my mind was experiencing.
I was lost in my own amazement.
For the first time in weeks, I was able to write a song. But I hate it, because it could never be good enough, or accurately depict what really happened..
After the concert, we couldn't get away from our parents long enough to really say goodbye.
So we both left, in silence. Because things can never be easy.
And the only thing that reminds me that she wasn't just a dream, is the newest entry in my contacts on my cell phone.
Things changed for me. I had been considering dating someone, but I told them that there was nothing between us the next day. My perspective had changed. I no longer desired a perfect, even match. I wanted to be completely out of my league. I wanted to struggle to keep up.
I told everyone that I had simply seen a different side of life, and wanted to experience it...but that wasn't entirely true.
In all honesty, I just wanted her.
We were separated by 88.647 miles. 88.647 miles too many.
But I will find a way. I'm going on a search for the extraordinary, and if nowhere else, I know I can find it in her.
So I will wait. I will wait for my opportunity. Because it's worth that much to me.
For the first time in such a long time, I felt butterflies in my stomach at the sight of her. I get nervous, just thinking about seeing her again, because I know I'm so worthless in comparison.
So, if you catch me staring at the sky, I'm not remembering better times, but wondering what the future's going to bring.
All I can do is pray that it brings me her.

The truth is
You could slit my throat
And with my last dying breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
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PostSubject: Re: This was somewhat unintentional.   Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:32 am

Awh my poor man, I'm sorry. Good luck on the future hope thing Surprised

Admin; 2008 - 2010.

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u got naded
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PostSubject: Re: This was somewhat unintentional.   Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:31 pm

I know how you feel, and I hope you two meet up again. Love is a pain if the person you have feelings for is far away but you should never give up. You should try your hardest to be with them no matter what. Good luck Will


i LoVe NiGGeRs wrote:

time to set some rules


1. ur a bitch therefore u have no right to post after me
2. ur a bitch
3. ur a bitch
4. u wear shirts that say ima bitch on it
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This was somewhat unintentional.
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